There’s a new power threatening J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth. It’s a smothering cloud of absurdity that’s seeking, ever seeking, to devour all commonsense and reason. Its minions work tirelessly to cover the land in a darkness of dumbness not seen in this or any age.

Under its banner of DIVERSITY, woke scholars and activists seek to remake Middle-earth to their liking by waking the rest of us to its deficiencies. In doing so, they torture all things Tolkien.

Tolkien, the creator of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, would likely quail at The Tolkien Society’s theme for their July 3-4 Summer Seminar. “Tolkien and Diversity” features these torturous topics:

• Gondor in Transition: A Brief Introduction to Transgender Realities in The Lord of the Rings
• Pardoning Saruman?: The Queer in Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings
• The Lossoth: Indigeneity, Identity, and Antiracism
• The Invisible Other: Tolkien’s Dwarf-Women and the ‘Feminine Lack’
• Queer Atheists, Agnostics, and Animists, Oh, My!
• “Something Mighty Queer”: Destabilizing Cishetero Amatonormativity in the Works of Tolkien

Goblins and gobbledygook

What seems not to occur to these wizards of wokedom is that transgenderism, homosexuality, racism, and sexism have absolutely nothing to do with Tolkien’s creations. It’s likely that not one of their precious themes even entered his mind as he crafted tales of hobbits and dwarves, wizards and dark lords, elves and orcs, adventure and friendship.

Tolkien’s themes, like any good storyteller’s, transcend pedestrian presentism, social justice, equity and other spirit of the age fluff. His tales shimmer with light and magic and good versus evil.

Perhaps it’s Tolkien’s “versions” of good and evil that generate woke creations of nonexistent themes in Middle-earth. They don’t exist there because they have no place there. They only exist in our world because of a lack of courage to resist the constant bombardment from moralizing amoral Utopians.

Assailing Gondor

Minas Tirith in transition? In the Lord of the Rings, the only transition Gondor faces is from freedom to slavery, and it has nothing to do with transgenderism. There aren’t any transgender realities in that fantasy world, but there are surely transgender fantasies in ours.

In reality, true transgenderism is exceedingly rare. In WokeWorld, one need only want to be of a gender he or she is not. Apparently, in the minds of woke folk, when it comes to transgenderism, there are no biological realities. Yet there are transgender realities in The Lord of the Rings?

It’s difficult to imagine Faramir, Gondor’s Captain of the Guard, caring one whit about gender or transgenderism when fighting foes that seek his life and the destruction of his fair city. When facing the Lord of the Nazgûl, the Witch-King of Angmar, is Faramir pondering preferred pronouns?

The PRIDE of Saruman

The wizard Saruman had his opportunity for pardon, and he chose pride—the sin, not the scene. Does the presenter of “Pardoning Saruman?: The Queer in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings” think the wizard and Wormtongue are gay lovers? In Tolkien’s world, Saruman and Gríma are master and minion. Are there hidden aspects of homosexuality in their relationship of which even Tolkien was unaware?

One would have to invent something much more queer about Saruman than his penchant for isolation in his tower of Orthanc or his seductive and beguiling voice. The truth is that Tolkien didn’t address homosexuality in the Lord of the Rings for at least three reasons.

First, it would make no sense in furthering his plot. Second, Tolkien was a committed Catholic and a believer in God’s design for love and marriage as between one man and one woman. Third, he was a linguist and lover of language and “faerie” stories, not a social justice warrior or a PRIDE panderer.

Warriors and women

Dwarf-women in Tolkien’s tales? There aren’t any in his story, but obviously they exist in Middle-earth. Otherwise, there would be no Bifur, Bofur, Bombur or Balin—or the illustrious Thorin Oakenshield. The absurdity of justifying the existence of male dwarves in Tolkien’s fantasy is eclipsed only by criticism of his dearth of female dwarves and a supposed “Feminine Lack” in his tales.

By the way, Bilbo might have something to say about the “Feminine Lack” when it comes to his battles with Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. When it comes to indomitable Lobelia, he would welcome a “Feminine Lack.”

Feminine lack? What of the role of the Elf Queen Galadriel? What of Arwen, Aragorn’s love and future queen? Or Samwise Gamgee’s love interest, Rosie? Tolkien’s tales have a lot to do with war and wizards, swords and shields, orcs and trolls. If he were a sexist, would he have had the warrior Éowyn, King Théoden’s daughter vanquish the aforementioned Lord of the Nazgûl?

Éowyn the Fierce

If there were indeed a feminine lack in the Lord of the Rings, we would be cheated this glorious and beautiful passage as Éowyn, disguised as a man called Dernhelm, challenges the dreaded Witch-King over the dying body of her father and king:

“Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion! Leave the dead in peace!”

A cold voice answered: ‘Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.”

A sword rang as it was drawn. “Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.”

“Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!”

Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel.

“But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.”

Is there a scintilla of feminine lack in Éowyn’s courage and strength here or anywhere else in the Lord of the Rings?

Begone, you fools

It’s likely no coincidence that The Tolkien Society is bending to the will of the wokesters after partnering with Amazon for their Lord of the Rings TV series. Talk about a power bent on world domination. What Amazon wants, Amazon gets. There is no resisting the power of Lord Bezos.

If The Tolkien Society wanted to stay true their president and reason for existing, they would’ve partnered with Amazon with the condition that Amazon preserves the magic and mystery of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings in all its beauty and goodness. Perhaps they did, but the topic list of their upcoming Summer Seminar tells a far different tale.

If only Gandalf the White could make an appearance at their gathering. He might listen to the nonsense for a twinkling before scattering them with a commanding, “Begone, you fools!”

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