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To Know, Like, and Trust

If you are known, then liked, and then trusted, everything can flow from that.

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If only a simple method was available to predict when you will make a strong connection with someone, be it in a business situation, social situation, or otherwise. Actually, a formula does exist: If you are known, then liked, and then trusted, everything can flow from that.

Between any two people, getting to know one other, liking each other, and trusting each other, often follows a particular path. The time length of the journey can vary widely but almost in every case, few if any effective shortcuts are available when it comes to trust. Let’s examine the three elements, one at a time:

To Be Known

You have to meet someone, to converse, learn about them, have them learn about you, and perhaps have some follow up. If you are alike in some way, or have something in common, that helps.

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To Be Liked

What is the key to being liked by someone? Usually it starts with you liking them. This sounds like a circular explanation, but it is not. When you convey to other parties that you like them, approve of them, enjoy being around them, understand where they’re coming from, or have commonalities, if they reciprocate it happens nearly instantaneously.

Hundreds of facial movements that we might never completely understand, in and around our eyes, corners of our mouths, and foreheads, indicate to one another when, indeed, we like the person we’ve encountered.

To Be Trusted

Becoming known and becoming liked are relatively easy compared to the third component of human interaction, which is to be trusted. While it’s possible to meet someone whom you quickly trust, in many cases that represents a leap of faith.

If you walk into an automobile dealership and encounter a sales person who you trust, it might be because this person has mastered a variety of verbal and nonverbal cues to indicate to you that he or she will be okay to work with.

Generally, trust builds up over time. To move from acquaintanceship, to friendship, to something else, such as long-term business associates or long-term social partners, takes a while to develop.

           One caveat: Trust can be a fleeting phenomena. One major withdrawal, in other words one incidence of apparent betrayal, can bring level of trust crashing down. Thereafter, liking one another can be in jeopardy. You still know each other but in a different light.

The Bank is Open

Building trust is akin to building up a bank savings account. You have to keep making deposits, which is synonymous with positive indications that you can be counted on. Now and then you can make a withdrawal, which is synonymous with something not going exactly as each of you might have hoped it would.

The savings account grows to a healthy sum if the deposits are overwhelming compared to the withdrawals. So, too, with building trust. Keep making deposit after deposit with few if any withdrawals, and lo and behold the trust builds.

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Jeff Davidson is the world's only holder of the title "The Work-Life Balance Expert®" as awarded by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. He is the premier thought leader on work-life balance, integration, and harmony. Jeff speaks to organizations that seek to enhance their overall productivity by improving the effectiveness of their people. He is the author of Breathing Space, Simpler Living, Dial it Down, and Everyday Project Management. Visit www.BreathingSpace.com for more information on Jeff's keynote speeches and seminars, including: Managing the Pace with Grace® * Achieving Work-Life Balance™ * Managing Information and Communication Overload®



 
 
 

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Productivity in Flight

You can handle so much in the air that you’ll have less to do going forward

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When you are flying and told to put your cell phone in airplane mode, you might think that your productivity will suffer. However, when I turn on my email function and dictate into the phone, even surrounded by the heavy airplane noise, my cell phone, an Android model, works well with few transcription errors.

This particular article was written at 35,000 feet. I was in airplane mode at the time, with all kinds of sounds around me. Yet the phone faithfully recorded my dictated words.

If I have notes with me, and enough time on the flight, I’ll be able to dash off three or four articles in one sitting. Chances are you have the same capability.

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Maybe you’re not writing articles per se, but you could be creating future blog entries, making notes to your staff or to your boss, or writing messages that you’ll send to friends and relatives. So what if you can’t send them at the moment that you finished dictating? You’ll be landing soon enough, and you’ll have the capabilities to resume sending and receiving email. Then, bingo! You’ve handled so much in the air that now you have less to do going forward.

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The Cancel Culture at Artspace in Raleigh, North Carolina

Making a federal case out of a 20 second, honest mistake

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American Thinker — The USA, the land of the free and home of the brave. With its weaponized DoJ and FBI, are we truly free? And what about  tyranny at the state level? As part of their pro-LGBTQ+ agenda, the House Democrat Party in Michigan has passed a law to fine or incarcerate residents using the wrong pronouns in addressing another person.

The bill, HB 4474, criminalizes making somebody “feel threatened” by terminology including employing the wrong pronouns. The proposed legislation would replace the current Ethnic Intimidation Act.  If enacted, it will be a felony hate crime in Michigan, with up to five years in prison or a $10,000 fine, for causing protected classes to “feel terrorized, frightened, or threatened,” regarding gender identity or sexual orientation.

I Am a Fugitive from Justice

I am blessed to reside in North Carolina, not Michigan, where my recent crime is not yet a felony.  My letter, directly below, to the Artspace Board of Directors and, below that, the correspondence leading up to my letter, spell out the grievous sin for which I am guilty!  As you will see, clearly, I am a lost and nonredeemable soul:

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Greetings Artspace Board Members,

I am a six-year volunteer with Art Space of Raleigh, having started in March of 2014, and serving through March of 2020 until COVID-19 shut us down. I resumed volunteering once the “First Friday” visitors were back in swing.

During my time as a volunteer, I was on site, perhaps 60 to 64 times, missing about 10 First Fridays due to my travel as a professional speaker and cruise ship speaker. My volunteer experience initially included serving wine and beer. I then became the food server for many years. The supervisors, including Mary Kennedy, were glad because I was one of the few who never consumed the Artspace food!  

During some First Fridays, I stayed on for a second 3-hour shift, on short notice, when other scheduled volunteers did not appear.

In addition, I served as a volunteer on some weekends during Family Days directing a variety of activities for kids. I also volunteered at the annual benefactors banquet – a black tie affair with lavish hors d’oeuvres and entertainment.

After COVID-19, I was assigned to the education room. During such sessions, parents with children or children on their own would create some type of art or craft. The new supervisor was David, who praised me on several occasions during my nights of volunteering, as I always arrived early, took few breaks, did not require refreshments, and handled crowds of all sizes.

In March 2023, I was a volunteer once again. Then, I was traveling on the first Friday in April and in May, so I was not available again until June.  hen I signed up for June weeks later, I saw that my sign-up had been removed. When I re-signed, I was informed by David via email, out of the blue (see below) that I had committed a grievous sin 10 weeks before and could no longer volunteer. Ten weeks.         

I have included, verbatim, sequential correspondence between myself and David.

Jeff Davidson

 

Hi Jeff,

I apologize for not responding to you sooner. I am going to politely ask that you no longer volunteer with Artspace moving forward. We have appreciated your support, but my colleague Danny reported that you used inappropriate language that could’ve made attendees feel uncomfortable while volunteering during March First Friday.

At Artspace, we’re striving to create a space that people from all walks of life can feel comfortable in and we need volunteers who reinforce that culture.  Again, thank you for the support but I feel its best if you no longer volunteer with Artspace.

          Best, David

 

Greetings David,

I did not knowingly use any inappropriate language at any time. Before you came on board, I was a volunteer for 6 years every First Friday at Artspace, and was widely acknowledged as an asset on First Fridays.

Now, I hear this kind of accusation. What specific language does Danny have to report? I would be most interested in knowing the specifics as opposed to some general accusation. If you’re going to make an accusation, let me hear what it is.

 

Jeff,

I’m happy to give you a call later today to discuss. However, as the Director of Community Engagement and the person who manages Artspace’s volunteer program this is my final decision. Please let me know the best time to call you today.

          Thank you, David

 

David,

You can call me anytime {he never did, I had to force a call}, I’m interested knowing a couple of things:

          * What does Danny say that I said, verbatim?

          * Next, if I happened to say something that he thought was inappropriate, why did he not tell me at the time?

          * Why does it take 3 months to find out such news?

          * Also, don’t be concerned that I’m going to attempt to continue to be a volunteer.

          * Nobody, including me, wants to be around anybody that does not like them.

I received praise from you the times we’ve encountered each other, and now you’ve taken the word of an associate that I’ve done something so terrible that I must be banned forever from Artspace, without even first talking to me about it.

This is leadership?

          Jeff Davidson 

 

No News by Phone

On the phone, I could not get him to give me any specifics or even anything of substance, just vague utterance about some terrible faux pas that merited instantly canceling me. So, I called to his boss, who he had not informed. She was surprised because she had seen me many times on the job and knew that I was on asset. To follow up, I sent her the email trail:

 

Greetings Ms. Jones,

Here is the email trail [all included above] leading to the phone call in which David would tell me nothing and when I attempted to gain any useful information about the alleged faux pas, he hung up on me. In my 20+ years of volunteering for WUNC, the Flower Shuttle, Tunnel to Towers, Cystic Fibrosis, March of Dimes, and the NC Museum of Arts, I have never experienced anything remotely like this.

Thanks for your attention, Jeff Davidson

At the request of his boss, David sent me a formal letter, now adding on other previously unannounced “multiple reports on your inability to follow instructions during volunteer shifts.”  You and I have seen this before: someone has a weak case so they throw in more vague, (bogus) assertions to “shore up” their argument. Then, when they stonewall you by phone and you get upset, they throw that in as well.

Case closed: looked at all the infractions!

 

Dear Jeff,

Thank you for your six years of service to Artspace. Our organization appreciates your continued support over the years assisting with First Fridays and other programs. Unfortunately, we no longer see Artspace’s volunteer program as a good fit for you, and we will no longer need your assistance as a volunteer.

We have come to this decision after we received multiple reports on your inability to follow instructions during volunteer shifts. A staff member reported you made inappropriate comments related to gender in reference to a family visiting Artspace during First Friday on March 3, 2023. Everyone is welcome at Artspace and our staff strives to create a safe space that is welcoming to people of all ages, abilities, genders, and backgrounds. We want to retain volunteers who will reinforce that expectation and respect the culture that has been established.

Not only did your comments make that staff member feel uncomfortable, but dismissive comments related to gender identity could have jeopardized that family’s positive experience at Artspace. The hostile behavior you displayed when confronted about this incident over the phone only further displays that it is time for us to part ways. For those reasons, I am respectfully requesting you no longer volunteer with Artspace moving forward.

We thank you for your service and hope you find success volunteering with another local organization. Please know you are still welcome to visit Artspace and attend our community programs.

 

David,

Multiple reasons? Hardly. Thanks for your continued non-explanation. If you’re referring to the two little kids, dressed in bright colors, with long flowing hair, giggling at the back table for over an hour, who I mistook as girls, it was an honest mistake that anyone could have made. There was zero malice on my part.  I was seeking to help them with their art project, as all other youths required, roughly, only 30 to 40 minutes.

I said to them, verbatim, “Ladies, can I help?” They had been unsupervised for at least an hour, and then a parent, apparently their parent, seated nearby said, “They’re boys.” I immediately told them I was sorry for their error.  Not the world’s worst offense, and highly likely not the first time someone has erred in relation to them.

I then went immediately to Danny and asked him about the two youths and he said they were boys. I told him that I had mistook them. That is the whole incident.

You, David, apparently want to make this a federal case, and make defamatory statements as if I’m some type of troglodyte with a history of bad behavior. I strongly sense that you were looking for a way to depose me as part your personal brand of cancel culture.

As for the phone conversation, you were intentionally vague and unresponsive when I had a legitimate right to know what I had done that was worthy of your punishment. I asked for any type of detail and you offered next to nothing. And you kept accusing me of pressing you, and then you hung up on me. Even now, it has taken several more weeks to get any kind of information from you and I had to go to your supervisor, at that.

For shame, David.

  

Cancellation Celebrations!

And that, folks, is how cancel culture, the cancer that it is, now lingers at Artspace in Raleigh, North Carolina. Who will be the next in line?

I have laid bare my first cancellation experience and the grievous sin I have committed.  Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

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