Life

Mastering Your ‘To-Be’ List

A ‘to-be’ list contains a roster of the characteristics and traits that you’d like to attain, develop, or improve upon

Published

2 years ago

May 25, 2021

Jeff Davidson

Virtually every responsible adult maintains some type of to-do list, whether it’s as simple as a few notes on a page or a comprehensive electronic system. To-do lists, as nearly everyone knows, have high utility – the items on the list are reminders as to what we want or choose to get done.

How often, however, do you compose a to-be list, containing a roster of the characteristics and traits that you’d like to attain, develop, or improve upon?

From Little Acorns

The encouraging news about composing a to-be list is that you can start from scratch. You can enter on to your list any characteristic, trait, or value that appeals to you, regardless of the life you have led up to this moment.

All of your setbacks, and triumphs, the observations you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned, the insights you’ve gathered, and the perspectives that you’ve developed can be brought to bear as you compose your to-be list.

As you decide how you want to be, inexorably you move in that direction. As a young man, to employ a personal example, I chose to write books in areas where I personally needed to become more adept.

When I felt a lack of breathing space and more stress at the end of every workday, with my stomach in knots, I sensed that a better way to proceed in life had to exist.

I wrote the book Breathing Space initially as a form of self-guidance, recognizing that once finished, it would also help others. Likewise with other books, such as Simpler Living, Dial it Down-Live it Up, and even The 60 Second Self-starter, when I finished writing the last page, my journey towards becoming the type of person I want to be would receive a major boost.

How about you? What have you not explored that lingers on the periphery of your consciousness? What traits do you want to embody? What or who do you want to become?

You have the capability within you to move in that direction, and one fine day, you might find yourself exactly where and who/what you wanted to be.

Disarming and Enervating

Considering who and what you’d like to be could, at first, be disarming. After all, few people fixate on what they want to become as opposed to what they need to do. Most people proceed directly to listing the projects and tasks that will help them to reach specific goals. Most times the goals are work-related, but often they are personal in nature as well.

Yet, without identifying and acknowledging who you want to be, you can miss the forest for the trees. Periodically it’s vital to make the cerebral link between the tasks that we accomplish and the roles and positions to which we aspire.

When you produce a to-be list you help to put in motion an array of behaviors and activities that will increase your probability of becoming the person you wish to be. For each to-be that makes your list, a variety of to-do type tasks become associated.

Leadership Can Be a Choice

If you aspire towards leadership, for example, and your to-be list includes “to become a leader,” then you are drawn to those tasks and activities that will help you to accomplish your goal. Such tasks might not necessarily be those that normally make your to-do list.

In pursuit of being a leader, beyond executing your tasks, you might also chose to read one book on leadership each month, regularly observe the leaders in your own organization, volunteer for situations which enable you to exhibit leadership skills, and start addressing articles, interviews, and features on leaders in your industry, geographic area, or those whom you simply admire.

As a second example, if you aspire to be a better partner to your spouse or significant other, you might find yourself gravitating towards a variety of activities that traditionally would not have made your to-do list.

In becoming a better partner, perhaps you enroll in a course (with or without your partner) on relationships, perhaps you speak at length with friends who have been in long and successful relationships, or, perhaps you listen to a CD on becoming a more effective listener, and so on.

Explorations

The items that make your to-be list might require new types of exploration. You might find yourself attracted to events and activities that are new to you, or find yourself associated with others with whom previously you felt you had little in common.

At some point, you find yourself trying new behaviors, putting yourself into novel situations, and asking others for advice on new topics.

The wonderful thing about a to-be list is that the mere act of composing the list increases the odds of your movement in the desired direction. The positive, self-fulfilling progress that you make, compared with previously doing nothing of the sort, significantly puts the odds in your favor.

Paraphrasing Abraham Lincoln, when we make up our minds to accomplish something, we are already half way there. So true! Deciding to move in a particular direction and intending to take action to support your decision is the precursor to actual movement and achievement.

Give yourself the wonderful opportunity to become the person you truly want to be. Starting with a blank piece of paper or a blank screen, list four to six characteristics, traits, or attributes you desire to embody. You do have it within you to succeed.

Achievement vs. Goodness

Here is an afterthought. We subconsciously reason with ourselves that as long as we’re not shortchanging others, have a decent number of friends, and support society in some way, then we must be okay as individuals.

Yet, how far have we veered from the potential for deeper experiences and greater joys? Such to-be developments take time, and build slowly via certain experiences, sometimes hard choices, and the ability to learn from life’s lessons.

We’re urged by motivators to follow our passions, be true to ourselves, and march to the beat of our drum. Fine, but how often do such pursuits begin and end with the self? David Brooks, author of The Road to Character suggests that instead of asking, “What do I want from life?” ask, “What is life asking of me?

In other words, how can my natural talents serve the needs of the world? Brooks observes such “inner light” people are made, not born.

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Jeff Davidson is the world's only holder of the title "The Work-Life Balance Expert®" as awarded by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. He is the premier thought leader on work-life balance, integration, and harmony. Jeff speaks to organizations that seek to enhance their overall productivity by improving the effectiveness of their people. He is the author of Breathing Space, Simpler Living, Dial it Down, and Everyday Project Management. Visit www.BreathingSpace.com for more information on Jeff's keynote speeches and seminars, including: Managing the Pace with Grace® * Achieving Work-Life Balance™ * Managing Information and Communication Overload®

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Life

Your Days Do Not Have to Race By

Much of what you experience each day, in terms of the passage of time, is based on your perception

Published

1 day ago

September 22, 2023

Jeff Davidson

Whenever you feel you’re racing the clock or trying to tackle too much at once, try this exercise:

Close your eyes for a minute. Imagine a pleasant scene. You might be surrounded by trees or with a loved one. It could be something from childhood. Let the emotions of that place and time pervade you. Get into it! Give yourself more than a minute for the visualization to take hold.

Open your eyes and return to what you’re doing. Whatever care or task you’re working on is not quite so bad and your pace is never quite so feverish. Realistically, much of what you experience each day, in terms of the passage of time, is based on your perception. You can slow down time if you choose.

Pause and Reflect

Imagine you’re flying on an airplane. You have a window seat, and it’s a clear day. As you gaze down to the ground below, what do you see? Life passing by. Cars the size of ants. Miniature baseball diamonds. Rivers the size of streams. There’s something about being at great heights that enables you reflect on your life.

The same phenomenon can take place from the top of a mountain or skyscraper. As often as practical things seem to be racing by too fast, seek higher ground, literally, for a clearer perspective.

If you’re among the lucky, perhaps you regularly allocate time for reflection or meditation. If you don’t, it’s no matter. There are other ways to make it all “slow down.”

After the workday, listen to relaxing music and close your eyes. A half hour of your favorite music with your eyes closed and no disturbances can seem almost endless. When you re-emerge, the rest of the day takes on a different tenor.

An effective method for slowing down time and catching up with today is periodically deleting three items from your “to do list” without doing them at all. Before you shriek, consider that much of what makes your list is arbitrary.

In most cases, eliminating three items won’t impact your career or life, except for freeing up a little time for yourself in the present.

A Change in Medium

I have long used water to reduce stress. For eleven years, I lived in a high-rise condominium in Falls Church, Virginia, complete with its own 25 meter pool. No matter how hard I worked during the day, even if I did a 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. stint, at 6:05 p.m. I was in the pool. After 30 minutes of laps, I had swum out many of the stresses and strains of the day.

Now that I live in North Carolina, more rural by comparison, I have lakes! Here I can swim for a mile in one direction and rarely encounter anyone else. Find the swimming hole nearest you!

In the Animal Kingdom

If you have a dog or cat and do not consider it a drain on your time, here’s a little something about Rover or Mittens that you may not have known. In recent years, as reported by U.S. News & World Report, scientists have found proof for what was only once suspected: Contact with animals has specific and measurable effects on both your body and mind.

The mere presence of animals can increase a sick person’s chances of survival, and has been shown to lower heart rate, calm disturbed children, and induce incommunicative people to initiate conversation!

The exact mechanisms that animals exert to affect your health and well-being are still largely mysterious. Scientists suspect that animal companionship is beneficial because, unlike human interaction (!), it is uncomplicated.

Animals are nonjudgmental, accepting and attentive; they don’t talk back, criticize, or give orders. Animals have a unique capacity to draw people out.

Even if you only have goldfish, sometimes simply staring at them in their silent world can help deaden your hectic pace.

Catching up with Today

1. Constantly read your list of priorities and goals.
2. Challenge and defeat your own ritual behavior.
3. Consider the outcome of not handling something.
4. Convincingly, but politely, say no.
5. Call rather than visit.

6. Clear your desk of all but the task at hand.
7. Clear your files of everything that can be recycled.
8. Cancel something you had already scheduled.
9. Choose from what you already have.
10. Choose to get a good night’s sleep every night.

When you consider all of the ways you add unnecessary pressures to your day, you begin to see many ways to catch up with today or, at least, with this week.

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Life

12 Things I have Learned that Could Benefit Others

My life experiences have led me to the following observations

Published

2 weeks ago

September 13, 2023

Jeff Davidson

Never write-off others because they are too old, too young, too rich, too poor, or for any other superficial reason. Every person on the planet has some knowledge that could benefit others, including the people you work with everyday. You’ll be surprised by the wisdom you can gain by simply listening with a non-judgmental ear.

I could be right or I could be wrong, but my life experiences have led me to the following observations. I hope some benefit you:

Half a Dozen

1. Do not lament that you’re not smarter than you are, or that you’re not as good at something as you would like to be. You can accomplish nearly anything you want through hard work. Your skills develop over the course of your life, and you can develop new ones. Maybe your boss will foot the bill for training, or maybe you have to enroll and pay for yourself. Further, recognize the things at which you are adept and put your talents to use, rather than struggling to excel in the wrong career.

2. It is of little use to dwell on the past and wish you could change it. Making mistakes and feeling as if you’ve squandered time is a natural part of life that happens to everyone. Anew, view your youth with a healthy perspective; while you might have squandered some time, you probably also accomplished a lot and had some fun along the way.

3. Never become so caught up in dwelling on your mistakes that you fail to seize present opportunities. You have time left in your life to move on and use it productively.

4. Regard change as a recurring event. It’s a part of life and certainly part of your work. You won’t be the same person at 30 that you were at 20, or the same at February 25, 2020 that you will be at 40 or 60. Growing in all different ways is a good thing. If you went through life with the mindset of a 20 year old, you would miss a lot of the joys of adulthood. While change can be disconcerting at first, each stage of life becomes more (or at least as) enjoyable and fulfilling than the previous one.

5. Make a constant effort to grow. Challenge yourself mentally. Explore different means of spirituality. Place yourself in new social situations. Unfamiliar scenarios are usually a little frightening at first but, with time, the unfamiliar becomes the familiar, and you’re glad you took the chance. Move out of your comfort zone and explore.

6. Stay flexible. In our rapidly changing society, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the technological innovations and information you think you need to absorb in order to function productively at work and even at home. Rest assured that everyone feels the same way. Remaining flexible is key to maintaining productivity. Find ways to make the changes in your work life advantageous.

Another Half Dozen

7. Life is a continuing process, and there is no one point when you become magically grown up and have accomplished everything you wanted. If there was such a point, what would you do when you got there?

8. The nature of life is to constantly grow and change, and there is always more to learn and experience. Be wary of feeling as if you have reached the pinnacle of all of your experiences and accomplishments. If you become complacent, that point really will be the pinnacle of your life, since you won’t feel compelled to achieve even more.

9. You only have so much time and energy in your life. To feel fulfilled, you must choose what things you want to spend most of your time and energy doing. Choosing your priorities might take some soul-searching, or they might be obvious. Is family most important to you? Or, do you envision a time-consuming career? Whatever your interests, you must define your priorities in order to be productive. You can try to have a dozen different ‘priorities,’ but they will hardly be priorities, and you likely won’t pay sufficient attention to each. Decide what few things are important to you, and spend most of your time and energy supporting those priorities.

10. Never underestimate the power of your attitude and the effect it has on your perceptions. In general, people see what they want to see. If you’ve heard something negative about a person before you meet them, you are more likely to dislike that person right off the bat, regardless of anything they do or say. The same holds true for almost every situation in life: There are both beautiful and horrible things in the world. If you think positively, you’re more likely to notice the beautiful things. If you think negatively, you will pick up on all the not-so-great things that occur.

11. Many people seem to blame the mistakes in their life on some unseen force that constantly brings them down. They think they are just unlucky or that others are out to get them. For the most part, this is not the case. Almost everything that happens to us results from the choices we make, consciously or unconsciously. Not choosing becomes a choice in itself. Don’t ignore the tough choices you will have to make.

Blaming fate for your misfortunes leads nowhere; taking control of your life and the choices you face does. To empower yourself, recognize the choices in your life for what they are and consciously make the best decision you can. Something completely random will happen to you occasionally and you have no control over that. Still, realize that most of the things that happen to you don’t merely “happen to you.”

12. Making effective decisions can be difficult. The best decisions result from careful thought. However, don’t ignore your gut feeling about something. We have instincts for a reason, and such instincts don’t often lead you astray. Sometimes it is detrimental to overthink an issue; instead go with what ‘your little’ voice tells you. You’ll be surprised how much you don’t realize you already know. The subconscious is a powerful thing. When you can harness some of that power and put it to use in the conscious world, you will find that the things your little voice tells you are usually on target.

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