Forget Joe, When it Comes to Fakin' the Funk, Kamala's a Rock Star
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Forget Joe, When it Comes to Fakin’ the Funk, Kamala’s a Rock Star

Did you notice ELLE magazine’s Kamala Harris’ funk faking October puff piece?

Photo credit: Jon Tyson

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Did you notice ELLE magazine’s Kamala Harris’ funk faking October puff piece? It features this soaring subhead: “The woman who will become vice president on the fight for justice and freedom she’s been waging since birth.” Since birth. BIRTH.

Apparently, Kamala entered the world with fists clenched and ready to rumble. Get a load of ELLE’s version of Kamala’s toddlerhood civil rights activism:

“She laughs from her gut, the way you would with family, as she remembers being wheeled through an Oakland, California, civil rights march in a stroller with no straps with her parents and her uncle. At some point, she fell from the stroller (few safety regulations existed for children’s equipment back then), and the adults, caught up in the rapture of protest, just kept on marching. By the time they noticed little Kamala was gone and doubled back, she was understandably upset. ‘My mother tells the story about how I’m fussing,’ Harris says, ‘and she’s like, ‘Baby, what do you want? What do you need?’ And I just looked at her and I said, ‘Fweedom.’”

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How cute, how precocious, how absurd. How did ELLE not fact-check this fabulous fib? Maybe because Kamala didn’t make it up—she ripped it off.

If you’re gonna fake it, go big

Gotta hand it to our president by proxy, when Kamala lies, she lies BIGLY. Vice president Kamala Harris stole this story from none other than Martin Luther King. Here’s his version published in Playboy in 1965:

“I will never forget a moment in Birmingham when a White policeman accosted a little Negro girl, seven or eight years old, who was walking in a demonstration with her mother. ‘What do you want?’ the policeman asked her gruffly, and the little girl looked at him straight in the eye and answered, ‘Fee-dom.’ She couldn’t even pronounce it, but she knew. It was beautiful! Many times when I have been in sorely trying situations, the memory of that little one has come into my mind, and has buoyed me.”

Maybe Kamala’s funk fakery is why Joe Biden chose her as his VP and future president. Perhaps her audacity in reinventing her history for self promotion reminded him of himself. After all, Joe’s been fakin’ the funk for what seems like forever. Blue-collar Joe, Scranton Joe, good Ol’ Joe, top-of-his-class Joe, Cornpop-popping Joe—all that malarkey he pushed on us while making deals with Chinese communist gangsters and pretending to ride Amtrak just like any other Joe, et cetera.

Lie with a smile (or while laughing)

Perhaps Joe perversely respects Kamala for calling him a racist and then poo poo-ing her calling him a racist by reminding us that, “It was [only] a debate.” Maybe he respects his VP’s ability to lie through her teeth for political purposes—with a smile and a creepy cackle. After all, in the weaselly world of politics, lying and faking the funk effectively—and with (forced) humor—is part and parcel to political success. Just ask Bill Clinton or Barack Obama or … no, don’t ask Hillary. Her humor translates even worse than Kamala’s.

Now, both our presidents are shamelessly fakin’ the funk about a perfectly good and reasonable—and needful—Georgia voting law. We can rest assured that Kamala is straight-up pony-soldier dog-face lying or whatever. Joe, on the other hand, may actually believe that Georgia Republicans want to kill black voters by denying them water while they wait in line to vote. Joe’s delusions may extend to truly believing that requiring ID to help ensure election integrity is racist and “Jim Crow on steroids.” We don’t really know. He doesn’t really know. Where does Joe’s addled mind end and his brainwashing begin?

We can know this: Kamala Harris knows she’s lying through cackling laughter when she disparages Georgia by calling its elected Republicans racists. When you fake that funk as long as Kamala has—from birth, apparently—faking everything is second nature. When you lie, lie, lie, you become an accomplished liar and fabulous faker of the funk, baby. You go, girl. Captain Decency can’t hold a candle to you.

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Patrick grew up in Texas and graduated from the University of North Texas with a master’s degree in journalism and advertising. His undergraduate degree is in English and photography. He served six years in the U.S. Navy where his life was changed forever by the Lord Jesus Christ. He lives in the Sierra Nevada of Northern California with his wife, dog and two cats. He enjoys hiking and cycling, taking pictures, writing and blogging at https://luscri.com/



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