A “euphemism” is the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that might suggest something more bluntly or offend others, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. To say, for example, “He doesn’t have all his marbles,” is regarded as gentler than saying “He is stark raving insane.”

The Mighty Dysphemism

The opposite of a euphemism is a “dysphemism.” A dysphemism is a word or phrase that is more offensive, blunt, or harsh than the word or phrase which it is replacing. For example, instead of stating that the Manhattan District Attorney is “cognitively challenged,” you refer to him instead as a “total partisan whack job.”

For your amusement, at the least, here are eight dysphemism followed by the kinder, gentler, or at least more definitive terminology of what is being said:

“Biting off more than you can chew” – Orally extracting an amount of edible matter that exceeds what one is comfortably able to masticate.

“That’s a load of B.S.” – Your assertion reminds one of bovine excretion.

“Sh__faced” – Bearing an expression that one normally associates with the act of removing solid waste from the body.

“Can’t tell your ass from your elbow” – Unable to differentiate between your dorsal side orifice and the joint connecting your forearm and upper arm.

“Stepping in a pile of crap” – A pedestrian venture into an accumulation of animal or human waste.

“Go F-yourself” – Engage in the act of physical consummation with yourself.

“Up to your eyeballs in crap” – Finding yourself surrounded at the visual level by unpleasantly aromatic organic waste.

“Carnal knowledge” – Having a close encounter with another, free of garments and other impediments, leading to direct tactile stimulation.

A True Time Saver

Thank goodness for dysphemisms. In a most fundamental way, they are true time-savers. Without them, we’d be groping for tedious phrasing all day long. “Up your nose with a rubber hose,” if you don’t “catch my drift.”

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I attended a two briefings at East Chapel Hill High School (ECHHS) for the parents of rising 9th graders. All parents of eighth graders received the same invitation. The first session focused on what courses students would need to graduate from high school and to be prepared for University studies, technical college, or direct participation in the work force.

I listened closely. I found the information presented to be so vital, that had I not attended I would be unprepared to assist my daughter in course selection in any meaningful way throughout her time at ECHHS.

At the first meeting, the nearly 200 parents in attendance listened with rapt attention as well s evidenced by the many questions. Graduating from ECHHS with the new requirements would not be a cakewalk. The demands were rigorous.

The eighth grade children of many parents, however, did not attend these crucial meetings. Only one African-American parent was in attendance at the first meeting although the African American student population was more than 12%. At the second meeting where parents had a chance to meet and listen to school counselors, department heads, and teachers, about 275 parents attended, three of which were African-American.

All of the above occurred in 2004. Such poor attendance is another disheartening aspect of our society that bodes well for no one. To me, this spelled the future of America. In 2023 – today – the 13- and 14-year-olds represented by the parents that night are now 32 and 33, out of college and graduate school if they attended, car owners, possibly home owners, heads of families, and hopefully participants in the economic mainstream.

Those students whose parents didn’t listen in 2004 were the most likely to be unprepared at age 13 and 14 and all throughout high school, and the most likely today to be unprepared to be a part of the economic mainstream. Yet, someone will say that education Chapel Hill is unfair or sets students to fail, and that it rewards only certain groups and deprives others.

They will be among the first to rail on about some vague notion of “social justice.” They’ll say the teachers are biased or that the educational system favors whites and Asians. This is simply not the case.

The decades long lack of African-American academic achievement is a do-it-to-yourself proposition. It has nothing to do with CRT, biased teachers, or a dozen other lame excuses. In another 19 years – in 2042 – I wonder if anything, at all, will be any different. I wonder if greater numbers of African-American parents will take the time to listen to school administrators, teachers, and counselors who hold vital keys to the quality of their children’s lives.

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