Family

A Huge Parental Opportunity: Making Changes Within

Remarkably, you have the opportunity at any time, to set goals unlike those you’ve ever set before

Published

2 years ago

July 11, 2021

Jeff Davidson

Maybe you’ll never be the type of parent who comes home at the end of the day with boundless energy, all smiles and hugs and ready to play with your children until their bedtime. However, some room exists for you to expand your range of behaviors.

Leave the negativity outside and switch on an upbeat attitude you before walking in the door. Your family deserves that. Before you enter, look up, smile, and ask yourself what do you love about your family? Why are you lucky? Create the energy before you walk in the door. Then, engage them with your time, attention and affection.

If your goal is to be more responsive to each member of your family, you can undertake a variety of activities that will help.

Below are many suggestions among thousands of possibilities. Although all of the suggestions and ideas for goal-setting presented are in relation to children, with a twist and a turn, they each could be applied to your spouse as well:

Applaud Accomplishments

If your child comes home from school with an ‘A’ on her spelling test or a piece of artwork she’s particularly proud of, seize the moment. Pick up the item, look it over carefully, ask questions about it, and show interest.

It’s not difficult to show interest in something once daily that your son or daughter brings to you. Indeed, it’s a worthwhile goal for many reasons. It tells your child that you’re interested in him or her, that what he or she does is important, and, most importantly, tells your child that the next time they’re taking a test or drawing a picture, they’ll want to do their best because after all, daddy will see it.

Listen to Their Favorite Music

You might like classical music or classic rock ‘n roll. Your kids might like pop, rap, hip-hop, or who knows what. Is it too much to simply sit with them for a few minutes and listen to two of their favorite songs, even if you’re secretly thinking, “How can anybody buy that, let alone record it in the first place?”

Have you ever wondered why teenagers in those jazzed-up cars play their music above the hundred-decibel level? They want others to hear what they’re hearing. Music, and specifically lyrics, has the ability to reach deep into the human psyche.

Listening to music together, much like eating together, is a form of bonding. People seem to want others to hear what they hear and enjoy what they enjoy. Usually this happens in the car. Devise a plan to alternate who has control of the music and motor along happily.

Include Them in Your Discussions

Suppose you’re talking with your spouse and your children are nearby. Do you exclude them from the conversation as if they don’t have a worthwhile opinion?

Once a week, what if you were to say, “Mark, don’t you feel that we XYZ…?” or, “Caitlin, do you think if we were to…?”

After the initial shock wears off, you’ll find that your children are pleased to be called upon. In essence, what you’re doing is respecting them on the interpersonal level. You’re saying that they’re full-fledged human beings, even if they are smaller than you, and that they have opinions and observations that count.

Drop in on After School Activities

No matter how busy you are, how demanding your job is, or how unreasonable your boss is, you can find a way to see a few practices and attend a few games your kids would love to have you see.

When you catch your child kicking the ball over everyone’s head, participating in a sing-along, or simply having fun with other kids, you do yourself and your child a big favor. You indicate to your kid that he or she is special enough for you to break your routine now and then and see what’s happening at school or with the other kids.

Visiting your child unannounced minimizes your child’s need to have you around every minute you’re at home and enables him or her to be more understanding when you’re traveling.

After all, if daddy or mommy drops in on me unexpectedly every now and then, they certainly love and care about me. This is especially effective: dropping by for lunch when they are in grade school, but make sure you sign in first and follow school procedures.

Maybe you’ll be the only parent who does this, but so what? Why not set as a goal to visit your child once each calendar month at an after school activity.

Say Yes A Little More Often

Kids ask to do so many things that for many parents it almost becomes automatic to say no.

Can I stay up later? No.

Can I have some ice cream? No.

Can I go across the street with my friends? No.

What’s the real reason behind some of these refusals? Is it fear for their safety or well-being? Do you think they’ll be corrupted if some family rule is bent on one particular evening? Or, are you exercising authority the same way your parents did?

Often, we forget that although our rules are conceived with good intentions, some of which could be rather arbitrary. I don’t have hard evidence that each of the rules creates a desired outcome, i.e., a goal we previously established for our family and specifically for our children. Saying ‘yes’ a little more often than usual has its place.

Set a goal of saying yes one more time per week than normally. This is not so hard to monitor, since you’ll have to ponder the situation for at least a few seconds, and realize that you’re about to say yes when your instinctive reaction was to say no.

If it helps, keep a running log of the times that you surprised your child with a yes. At the least, you’ll have ammunition for later when your child says you never say yes.

Seek Their Help

Do you have business and financial problems for which you think your children cannot be of much assistance? Think again for out of the mouths of babes sometimes come great ideas.

In his book, A Whack On the Side of the Head, Dr. Roger von Oeck contends that the solution to problems often comes by looking at a situation with creativity – taking a different view than you did before. Who better to help you than someone small who doesn’t know all of the givens of the situation?

When it comes to using technology, your son or daughter might have insight that you’ve never considered. How often have you asked your children for some type of support? Could you ask this of them at least once a week? If you’re self-employed, you can lawfully hire them at a young age, pay them, and claim the labor expense.

Go Ahead and Ask

Regardless of whether or not you believe your children can help you with a particular issue, go ahead and ask them. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

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Jeff Davidson

Jeff Davidson is the world's only holder of the title "The Work-Life Balance Expert®" as awarded by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. He is the premier thought leader on work-life balance, integration, and harmony. Jeff speaks to organizations that seek to enhance their overall productivity by improving the effectiveness of their people. He is the author of Breathing Space, Simpler Living, Dial it Down, and Everyday Project Management. Visit www.BreathingSpace.com for more information on Jeff's keynote speeches and seminars, including: Managing the Pace with Grace® * Achieving Work-Life Balance™ * Managing Information and Communication Overload®

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Family

Honoring All Mothers on Mother’s Day

Attacks on motherhood and Mother’s Day are no less than the attempted repudiation of all that we hold dear

Published

2 weeks ago

May 14, 2023

Jeff Davidson

Despite the continuing theatrics of the Left, I can state with 100% confidence that you had a mother and were born as a result of your mother, a biological human female, being pregnant and bringing you to term. I can further claim that at birth, you were either a boy or a girl. Your mother was impregnated by a male. So, you had both a mother and a father and your birth was able to occur.

Rightful Acknowledgment

Held on the second Sunday of May, Mother’s Day has long been a holiday revered by most people. It is a celebration that acknowledges mothers everywhere, whether they have had one child or more, and whether they bore or raised a child.

Although we’re familiar with the American version of Mother’s Day, many countries designate a day to acknowledge mothers, generally in March, April, or May.

Some nations have been celebrating Mother’s Day long before the U.S. – we are new to the tradition, having started early in the 20th century. Ms. Anne Jarvis organized what is recognized as the first American Mother’s Day “service of worship” in Grafton, West Virginia at the Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church.

Gripers Gonna Gripe

Some people have lamented that Mother’s Day, as with most holidays, has become commercialized. Sure, greeting cards, gift baskets, chocolates, and promotions are advertised, urging offspring to offer a gift to their mother on this special day.

A distinct few within America — Leftists — loath the basic concept of Mother’s Day. They object to the word “mother.” They insist on obtuse nomenclature such as “birthing person” which implies that someone other than a biological female can give birth. Sure thing.

In 2020, a unique hospital opened on New York’s Upper East Side, focusing on labor and delivery. Three cheers for the Alexandra Cohen Hospital for Women and Newborns. Leftists railed against this institution because, they scream, nonbinary and transgender individuals who don’t “identify as women” are able to become pregnant and bear children. So “pregnant people” should supersede the term “pregnant women?” They are all still mothers, right?

The Sheer Lunacy of the Left

Does Mother’s Day join the gargantuan list of traditions the Left fervently longs to destroy? “When we talk about ‘birthing people,’ we’re being inclusive. It’s that simple,” proclaims NARAL (originally, the National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Laws). Fortunately, a majority of our population frown on terms such as “pregnant people” and “birthing person.”

With the Left, every institution, holiday, tradition, celebration, acknowledgment, or recognition is subject to disparagement. In their quest for complete social anarchy or some vaulted notion of a one-world government, they seek to bulldoze everything in their path. Society crumbling in total chaos? They relish the thought.

If you succeed at diminishing the notion of motherhood and Mother’s Day, what else is vulnerable? Namely everything — fatherhood, families, communities, governing bodies, and the United States of America itself.

Attacking on All Issues

An attack on motherhood and Mother’s Day is no less than the attempted repudiation of all that we hold dear, of world history, and of human history. These are the same people who seek to sexualize six- and eight-year-olds, and to convince them that they were born into the wrong type of body.

These are the people who would deny Christians and Jews the right to worship, if they could, while giving Muslims a free pass. These are the same people who ignore the irrefutable data that show black on white violence is overwhelming compared to white on black violence.

These are the same people who will gaslight every observation you can make about their destructive policies and then do it again with vigor. And why not? Look who’s on their side: the mainstream media owned by a handful of woke corporations that cave on cue; academia filled with over-educated, irrational professors; book and magazine publishers; TV producers; and rock stars and rappers.

The Vital Role

On May 14th, to our heart’s content, let us celebrate mothers and those who have raised children. Let us look forward to an unending stream of Mother’s Days, when we celebrate, honor, and remember those very special people: our mothers – all mothers – who have done the vital job which keeps society intact and provides the cohesion for our civilization to continue.

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Family

Recollections of My Father

Some say that one of the wisest things you can do in life is to choose your parents well

Published

2 weeks ago

May 13, 2023

Jeff Davidson

My father, Emanuel Davidson, whose birthday is today, passed away 46 years ago, long before ubiquitous smart phone and video recorders. Like many children, I often recall my overall memory of him, while not reflecting on the specifics of what made him, him.

As time passes, it is all too comforting to fixate on a general notion of how a loved one was, but recalling the habits, personality tidbits, and other idiosyncrasies that made the person unique, is more endearing and enduring.

My father was a member of the generation that had experienced the Great Depression, won World War II, and, by the late 1940s, fueled an ever-expanding economy. He was from the generation that expected to, and indeed proceeded to, exceed the educational level and material wealth of their parents and, in turn, expected the same for their children.

He bought his first house, in Hartford, on Cambridge Street in 1949, and two years following the birth of his twin son and daughter in 1953, made the decision with my mother to move to Bloomfield, Connecticut to a four-bedroom, two-bathroom house in the up-and-coming suburb of Hartford.

Always Striving

My father had long been a teacher in English and history, and when needed, he also taught math. After many years, he became vice principal at the Dominic Burns Junior High School. Like so many parents, he wanted more for his children, and his teacher’s salary simply wasn’t enough. So, for the duration of his adult life, he worked at least one additional job, often a second, and sometimes a third.

Emanuel Davidson, my father, graduated from Weaver High School in 1934 and then Connecticut Teacher’s College, later known as Central Connecticut State University in 1938. At Central, he was their first baseman in varsity baseball for three years, and their starting offensive varsity guard in football for two years. He went on to get a master’s in education at Columbia University and, after WWII, a 6th year degree at University of Connecticut , with one year to go for a Ph.D. which he did not pursue.

My father was a veteran of World War II. He served in Germany, France, and the Netherlands. As a soldier, he first trained in Paris TX where he also married my mother. He also took math and physics courses as part of his U.S. Army assignments at VMI. He was shipped to and stationed in France, primarily in logistics, rising to the level of sergeant. He was involved in some limited combat and suffered a partial loss of hearing in his left ear from a grenade explosion. Yet, remarkably, he would sometimes hear a whisper when he didn’t otherwise hear anything. He recalled, and somewhat regretted, having to kill a German soldier in close combat.

After the war, he worked some more in carpentry with his father for a brief time while advancing his education and then started teaching at Canton High. For most of his career, he taught English and history at Northeast Junior High in Hartford.

If you’ve read this far, the rest of the story (6 pages!) is here. Some say that one of the wisest things you can do in life is to choose your parents well. In my case, I hit the jackpot.

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